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As parents, our greatest responsibility is to do what is best for our children. Unfortunately, we tend to do what’s best for us when it comes to their hair. I can clearly remember the beautiful fluffy, curly puffs of my oldest daughter’s baby hair. Then her texture changed and her hair became difficult to manage.  I decided to take away her right to choose and permed her hair.  This is a decision I regret everyday.

This choice is taken away from many little black girls on a daily basis; with some girls getting a relaxer as early as 2 and 3 years old.  If only I had read “Your Hair Isn’t Nappy, It’s Beyoutiful” back then. Did my daughter’s hair become easier for me to manage, yes, but only for four to five months at a time and then I purchased another relaxer.

When I think about the chemicals, scalp burns, and hair damage that I exposed her to; it makes me sad.  After two years, her hair was no longer flourishing. Her ends were breaking and her hair was often dry.  Now, I know that I could have nursed her hair back to a somewhat healthy state and still continued relaxing it, but I felt guilty.  I even felt ashamed as if I had somewhat failed her as a parent because relaxing her hair meant less work for me.  

So after two years, I decided that I would never put those types of chemicals in her hair again. Doing this was both a shock to her and I.  She initially wanted to know why her hair wasn’t straight anymore.  I had to teach her to love her hair the way that it grew from her scalp. It helped that I too was natural, so I also showed her self-love through example.  All little girls look to their mothers for that first example of womanhood, beauty, and style.

I now choose to live by example and not make permanent choices for my children. My youngest daughter has never had a relaxer and you can tell the difference in the health of her hair. I now know better, so I do better. If my children choose to do something different to their hair when they are older; it will be their choice. Hopefully, I will have instilled in them self-love and they will never feel the need to alter themselves to achieve a false standard of beauty. What are your thoughts How Natural Beauties? Should children have the right to choose? Should parents perm the hair of children or wait and let them decide? 

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